I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
