Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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