someone owes me an orgasm
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
