I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
