he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
