I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
