just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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