the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
