I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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