I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
