Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Randomize
