He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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