I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
