Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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