Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
