i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
