is your mom at the bar?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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