Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
