the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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