I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
