So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
