So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
