I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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