I have demons in me.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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