it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
