im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die