Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??