i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
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Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
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Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If I die, sorry about rent.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.