Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
