Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
27 Drunk People That Pissed Off The Cops And Got What They Deserved
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.