there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
