is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
