We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
