i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
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She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
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My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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