Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
