my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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