if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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