The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
