her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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