Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
