I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
