a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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