But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
