woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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