new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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