My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
