I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
