ya dads aren't the best wingmen
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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