Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
