I accidentally had phone sex last night
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
