Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
