God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
