I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
