I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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