I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
