don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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