you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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