my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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