He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
