imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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