i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
