Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
