Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
