Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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