you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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