Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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