Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
