three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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