Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
