I heard we made out
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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