It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
