my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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