How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
