i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
