I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
how do you play pong handcuffed?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
