I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
