i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just tell him i said nine months
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize