The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
