It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
