did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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