I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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