he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize