There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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