I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
