I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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