Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
