Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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