I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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