all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
